Crap or Fertilizer – Blog Post

Okay, so I’m in LA right now, working my butt (a$$) off to make some things happen before the event honoring Kathy Ireland on Wednesday; then to catch a plane back on Thursday, and off to NYC on Friday. So I must have a little faith that all this will go off well…hey? Well, as I often say, I go through the same things as each of you.

Even though, I love what I do, the music industry has become a Monster, like many of the industries out here.  The only way to make it through is finding the peace and forgiveness in it.  Well how does one do that MJ? Hell, I don’t know but I figured church was a good place to start…and please excuse the reference to hell..but they sort of mentioned it in church last night.  I went to the meditation and revelation service at Agape (LA) and walked in a little late to meditation. To say that me and my friend were a little timid to walk in on a meditation and meditation music is an understatement. But we did. After 20 minutes of silence and my eyes watering for some reason that I need to explore further, we began service.  It was pretty amazing.  Nah..it was truly amazing – not the 5000 person services that occur there each Sunday morning. It was about 20 people looking for something – us included.  After some introductions, the speaker began, and mentioned how church was a gathering but how in the Aramaic language, the word for church could be construed to mean pruning…(hmmmm). No wonder it can hurt so much. But the most amazing tidbit that I got out of it was the idea of intention and faith. Many of us live in the past and the future.  We never give ourselves enough self love to enjoy the day and thus, just like eating a sandwich without tasting it, or arriving at a place without remembering the ride, we live our lives not valuing the most important thing given to us – TODAY/NOW. I never really think about the fact that living the “right now” probably takes the most faith of all.  This is so, because it assumes that we have forgiven ourselves (and God…don’t front) for whence we have come and are secure about tomorrow to a degree that allows us to live right now using a slow breath to enjoy the soul of the world.  Imagine that warm bath of infinite love every day – all day.But it’s so hard to do.

Personally, I want to hold on to things of the past, MJ the wonder kid, the lawyer, the MBA, the star, blah blah blah. I want to blame things and people for where I am – separated, heartbroken by many people, and trying desperately to listen to God for my direction…and YES blaming God too for all this “CRAP.” But as I learned last night, faith is in the so-called crap. It”s in the ex-girlfriends, ex-marraige, ex-employees who stole equipment from our studio, people who don’t want to see someone with my faith of JOB to maintain it, people scared of our intellect, my mother’s illness, all of my personal shortcomings, the disruption in my industry and every other “not so good”/”painful” experience I’ve/We’ve been through. Faith allows you to understand that what starts out as Crap can be transformed into and used as Fertilizer. I swear to you, I had to laugh at this. I/We’ve been beating ourselves up for all of these things of the past and “hopes” for the future not recognizing that, no matter what, God provides the tools to turn whatever crap we’ve experience into fertilizer so that we may grow into our next incarnation.  Furthermore, the most beautiful thing about it, in God’s infinite wisdom, is that “he gave us an aroma to distinguish the two”…(shaking my head with a smile).  It’s often that simple.

Well, in the beginning of the service, I promised to give up self-judgment and self hate and to replace it with forgiveness and acceptance. Stuff that’s pretty generic….But by the end, I just decided to use my nose a little more and follow the path towards my fertilizer. May you find comfort in doing the same.

Loves you all MJ!